Watching Her
by Neisha
Summary: When the line between love and honor is blurred, it takes an outsider to put one's choices into perspective... Inu/Kag; rated M for language.
1. His Choice

I do not own Inuyasha or its characters.

**I know that this story-line is cliche... but nothing is as it appears... This _is_ an Inu/Kag pairing.**

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Watching Her: His choice

Summary: When the line between love and honor is blurred, it takes an outsider to put one's choices into perspective..._  
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"Please, _don't go!_" Kagome pleaded, tears dripping down her cheeks, a sob squeezing through her chest.

The weight of Inuyasha's sword was heavy in her hands; his fire rat was warm, hanging protectively from her shoulders. "Take care of Tetsusaiga for me. I won't need it where I'm going. It was meant to protect you, anyway." His hands released her shoulders and she choked on her breath. "Keep it close to your heart, Kagome, and I'll always be with you."

"You can't leave me, Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha backed away slowly, eyes glistening with unshed tears, ears lying dejectedly atop his head. "I have to, Kagome. I vowed to follow her, and I don't have anything without my honor."

Kagome shook her head, tears flying every which way, denying his words. "You have me! You have a life here, with Sango and Miroku, Kirara and Shippo!" Kagome paused, her heart splintering with each move he made toward Kikyo. Each step tore away another piece of her soul. "You have me, Inuyasha. "

"My life is Kikyo's. I gave it to her years ago, before all the bloodshed, before the nightmare," Inuyasha whispered, his hand resting over his heart.

"No! Inuyasha, please. _Please_!"

He stopped his movement when Kikyo's arms wrapped gently around him, her deep brown eyes shining with the love she held for him.

"Thank you, Kagome: for being my friend, for showing me that I was more than just a half-breed. I'll always remember you, Kagome –_ always love you."_

Her knees hit the ground then, too weak to support her weight. After all the years, the pain, the bloodshed… he'd finally said those three words.

And now he was leaving her.

She stared at him in disbelief, but in his eyes Kagome saw the truth: the absolute love held in them as he gazed back at her. The look in Kikyo's eyes – that emotion was in his, but directed toward her. She could see his regret, sorrow. He didn't want to leave her, didn't want to leave the family he'd found in their mismatched little group.

"_I love you, Kagome," _he mouthed, his voice as silent as the lonely tear slipping down his cheek.

In a flash of light and heat, he was gone, the earth smooth over the ground on which they'd stood. The tree behind it trembled overhead, leaves raining down around her as her tears continued to fall.

She shattered, her fingers clinging to the pink orb that had started it all; the pale sphere that had taken it all away. There was no wish to be made; no love, no life, only the searing pain that ripped through her heart, leaving ashes in its wake.

Kagome didn't hear Sesshomaru move up behind her, never felt her aura crackle wickedly against his in warning. She never saw the pain that radiated behind his eyes, or the look of failure that crossed his pale face.

"I would have stopped him. I was too late. "

"Why? Why didn't you come sooner?" Kagome stood and turned to face him. Her face was drawn in silent agony, bloodshot eyes blinking through the sorrow paving its way over her flushed cheeks. For the first time since his Father's death, Sesshomaru _felt _sorrow.

He should have stopped her when she raised her fist, should have severed her hand at the wrist the moment it connected with his chest for even daring to touch his person. Instead he stood motionless beneath the onslaught as her distress turned to anger, then to fury. She beat him mercilessly; over and over her fists pounded his chest, and still he waited.

Then she fell against him, her tears wetting the front of his haori, burning his skin with the depth of her sorrow; her tiny hands twisted in the cloth of his clothing as she gripped him like she had nothing else to hold her to this realm.

How long had he watched her watching him? How long had he known she'd lost her heart to his brother? Sesshomaru had known the half-breed would break it, unintentional as it had been. Inuyasha was loyal to a fault and Sesshomaru had known he would honor the promise given the dead priestess. The half-demon may have been rash, but he was his Father's son. All Inu were bound by their word, by their honor.

But the knowledge did little to curb the fact that _he'd_ failed, too. Sesshomaru had failed his Father in protecting the half human sibling Inutaisho had given his life to protect. _'This Sesshomaru has failed,'_ he thought, and the idea burned through his veins distastefully.

Honor surged beneath his skin, his inner demon rioting inside, fighting to make its presence felt. He'd failed to protect the hanyou, but he wouldn't fail in protecting Inuyasha's miko. Right or not, human or not, Kagome was as loyal as any Inu. Not only that, but she carried great power within herself; that was made completely obvious the day she'd killed Naraku.

No demon had walked away from Kagome's power unscathed. Any lingering too close the moment her aura exploded had left with singed skin and hair, flesh humming for days from the onslaught of her purification. Had Kagome not warned them away, not taken the risk of losing her own life to secure the demons' safety before her aura exploded, none would have lived to tell the tale.

Something silky brushed through Sesshomaru's fingers, and he was stunned to realize that he held her to him, brushing his claws through her hair in a soothing gesture he'd never known himself to possess.

Long hours later when her body pressed intimately against his, sleep overtaking her, Sesshomaru laid her on the ground before moving toward the shadows. For reasons unknown to him, he stayed; a protector to the miko his younger sibling would have died to protect.

He watched as she woke several hours later. Disoriented, her eyes fell to the place forever marking his brother's choice. Her tears came again, sobs wracking her body and grating against his ears as she mourned the half-breed all over again.

The others of her pack came and went, their attempts to convince her to return to the village unheard. The kit curled protectively in her lap for a time, eyes on him all the while as her fingers combed shakily through his fur, though her attention was elsewhere. The slayer sat with her too, and the monk, all in silence, all sharing her pain with tears of their own. But Kagome refused to leave, so therefore Sesshomaru would stay.

There came a time when the Monk confronted him, asking why he stayed. His response? _"This Sesshomaru will do as he pleases."_

Sesshomaru watched the spark in Kagome wither away. What was once a brilliant display in her aura was fading; she was getting thinner by the day, her sorrow so tangible that he could feel it as if she stood beside him. Her smile crumpled until she could not even force one for her pack, as though she had lost the will to even try.

Turning his gaze from the silvery face of the moon, Sesshomaru glanced toward the miko. Kagome's movements were hesitant, hands rising to finger the odd closures adorning her top. Inuyasha's sword rested in its sheath on her lap, the glow of the jewel they'd fought for lying untouched beside it.

She loosened the first few closures finishing the task a few moments later. Her top fell open, the moonlight glinting off her pale skin and the strange contraption beneath it. The material covered her breasts, though she didn't reach to remove it.

Sesshomaru watched her reach for Inuyasha's sword. She slid it from its sheath, the dull blade barely reflecting the light cast by the sphere in the night sky. He watched her trace the small white scar above her hip, a jagged line that stood out against the pale tone of her skin. Once, twice she caressed the puckered flesh, her hand once again straying to the weapon he'd coveted for years.

He watched her bring the blade to her skin, pressing the edge against the scar – soft, like a lover's first touch. Kagome's eyes fell closed. Her breath shuttered uneasily from pale, pink lips left partially open to expose straight, white teeth.

His breath left his lungs as she swiftly pulled the blunt edge across her skin. He expected to see the shimmer of her blood coating the sword's edge once the motion was complete, but there was nothing: no tearing of her skin, no cry of pain filling the night. The blade didn't harm her, had left nothing more than a reddened welt upon her skin. It was then he realized why the sword had worked for Inuyasha: it protected _her… _even against herself, it seemed!

Kagome tossed the blade from her lap, anger and frustration lacing her words. "Worthless, rusted piece of shit!" she hissed, her eyes flashing with more spark than he'd seen in the weeks that had passed. Her anger was tempered immediately by something Sesshomaru placed as human regret, her hand reaching to pick the sword up off the ground, her fingers brushing the dirt from the blade with loving reverence, her choked apology filtering softly to him on the breeze.

Turning his head to watch the stars, Sesshomaru was brought from his thoughts by the utterance of his name.

He hadn't thought she'd known he was there. Three weeks he'd waited, staying just out of her sight. Three weeks he'd heard her mourn as he watched her slowly fold into herself.

Kagome's voice cracked, hoarse from lack of use. He wondered how much longer she'd last. How much more of herself would she give to the barren patch of land that was Inuyasha's grave?

"I know you're there," Kagome whispered, her eyes never moving from her lap. The jewel hung over her finger by the chain, no longer the bright pink it had once been. Over the course of the last three weeks, its color had muted with the spark in Kagome's aura. "I wish to bargain with you."

He hadn't wished to speak, hadn't wanted her to know he was there. He'd noticed when her aura had accepted him; it didn't spark wickedly against his in warning, didn't flare around her as it once had, but he'd dismissed it as if it were nothing more than a passing breeze.

"This Sesshomaru does not bargain with humans," he replied, resting his hand on the hilt of Tenseiga.

"You wish for the Tetsusaiga, yes?"

"I will not take the sword from you, girl. But… at your death, I will claim it as my own, as it should be."

Kagome snorted, her mouth peeling back in the closest thing to a smile she'd given in more than two weeks, a sardonic half-smile that never met her eyes. "Help me restore the jewel to its rightful place, and I will give you Tetsusaiga."

"Restore the jewel to its rightful place? And where might that be? I have no wish to stay any longer than necessary in your presence. "

Kagome's eyes met his through the dense tree line. She shouldn't be able to see him, shouldn't be able to sense him, yet she met his eyes through the dense cover of the forest.

"It belongs here," Kagome moved to trace the scar on her abdomen once again. "Tetsusaiga cannot aid me in this, and I have no wish to return to the village for something else sharp enough."

Sesshomaru moved forward curiosity swimming through his mind, though he'd never admit to such nonsense. "You wish me to open you?"

"Yes, here," she confirmed, her fingers tracing the location again, eyes rising to meet his as she stood slowly and silently before him.

"And you will trade the sword for what could be a mortal wound?"

"The jewel was torn from my flesh when I first arrived here. This is where it belongs, whether the action of returning it to my body is life-threatening or not. "

"You will not wish upon it?" Sesshomaru studied her. She stood proud before him, a look of determination bright in her eyes. Respect for the woman sparked to life beneath his chest. He willed it away before she could see the answering flicker deep in his eyes.

"No. There is nothing left to wish for," Kagome replied, the softness of her voice reflecting the pain she was trying in vain to conceal from him.

"Not even Inuyasha's return to your side?" It was a harsh question, but one that needed voiced. Sesshomaru would not pity her. His younger sibling had honored the family name by standing by his vow, and Sesshomaru would recognize the courage it had taken Inuyasha to forfeit his own life to honor it; he wished to see whether she recognized it as well.

Kagome dropped her gaze, a single tear falling from her lashes. "No. He made his choice. If I'd have been more like her..."

"You are not that miko. You could have mimicked her every action, her every word and it still would have left you as you are," Sesshomaru murmured coming to stand in front of her.

"You don't think I know that?!" With a sigh, Kagome looked up. Her heart twisted painfully when she met the deep gold of Sesshomaru's eyes, the striking silver of his hair… _'So much like Inuyasha, yet so different.'_

"You are not from this era, are you?" Sesshomaru inquired. He'd seen her disappear through the well more than once. She'd always returned a day or two later, carrying fresh supplies for her pack's travels.

"No. The well leads to my home." Her voice cracked, but she continued on, her eyes never leaving the stony expression on his face. "Inuyasha traveled with me, but he was the only person the well ever accepted."

"How far do you travel, Miko?"

Five hundred years," she paused, the deep brown of her gaze searching his. "In the future."

Sesshomaru studied the woman before him. It made sense: her strange clothing, the strange food she brought with her. "And the jewel allows this?"

"Yes. Without it, I would be stuck here or there. "

Sesshomaru considered her words, a decision beginning to form in the back of his mind. There would be no going back should he heed the miko's request, no guarantee that she'd live through the act she bargained for. "And if returning the jewel to your flesh locks you in this time? What then?"

"I will be stuck where the jewel intends. It makes no difference where I remain. Either way, I'm lost."

Kagome took a deep breath, her determination beginning to wane under Sesshomaru's scrutiny. One way or another, this had to be done. The jewel needed to be protected, and if housing the sphere inside her body was the only logical recourse, then so be it.

Kagome lowered her gaze, her mouth forming into a tight frown at the position she'd placed Sesshomaru in. But cutting into her own flesh was something she wasn't sure she could try again… and something he'd seemed not to have a problem with upon their first meeting. It had taken every ounce of will power to try the first time. Without Sesshomaru's help, she wasn't sure there would be a second. Blackmailing Inuyasha's brother was wrong; she knew that. But her determination to seal the jewel beneath her flesh for the safety of the others- that was something she _had_ to do.

"Will you accept the bargain, Sesshomaru? Or shall I do this on my own, and keep the sword with me? You'd have to wait another five hundred years to regain it, and even then I will live another eighty or so years beyond that. Do you wish to wait that long to gain your precious sword?"

In a move faster than she could see, his hand snaked forward, the searing pain that erupted moments later confirmation that he had indeed accepted her bargain.

Her blood spilled fresh; its innocent scent clogged his nostrils, so sweet he could nearly taste it. Kagome fell to her knees, then to her back as pain engulfed her. She could feel his poison moving through her, her eyes closing in response. She wouldn't cry, wouldn't belittle herself before a demon who prided himself in having no weakness.

Pressing the jewel into her flesh, she nearly screamed when her body absorbed the sphere. Her eyes shot open when something moist soothed the wound, roughened strokes pulling her gaze down to the demon Lord bent over her abdomen.

Sesshomaru was shocked to find her taste almost pleasant; she was untouched, which in this era was uncommon for a woman her age, and her blood held none of the taint he'd expected to find.

The world went hazy, her eyes unfocused as currents of heat curled around her middle. She screamed when he nipped her, the sensation arching her back off the ground as she pressed closer to the demon she had no business bargaining with. And in the black void that consumed her, she wondered if she'd ever have the chance to see her friends alive and well again.

Sesshomaru cleaned the wound he'd made, his tongue curling around the jewel she'd pressed into her flesh. A thought rambled through his mind, then transcended beyond reality, the jewel sparking in answer, before fading completely from sight.

Five hundred years was a long time. But in five hundred years, she'd have her friends back, though he couldn't give her Inuyasha's love. He'd bitten her; the scent mark guaranteed he would find the miko in the future.

Sesshomaru would find the others first and, once gathered, would return for the miko to give her the wish she hadn't had the courage to make. He owed her that much for the care she'd given his brother over the years. Kagome didn't deserve to be left with nothing after so many years of giving herself so selflessly. In destroying Naraku, she'd saved them all. She was due her just reward.

Satisfied the wound was healed, Sesshomaru bent to pick up the unconscious Miko, still clutching Tetsusaiga with a death-grip, and carried her to the lip of the well. He could see the swirling blue power in its depths, knew that she would be accepted within it one last time.

Sesshomaru studied the miko's face, and sighed at the sadness still burning beneath her skin. Lifting the woman and the sword over the center of the well, Sesshomaru dropped them both inside.

In a flash of blue, she was gone.

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**A/N:**

This story is finished. I plan to post about every three days... unless you all want it faster-- you'd have to let me know (hint... hint). There are five chapters for this fic, typed, edited, and ready to read. I do hope you all will enjoy this, though it will be a drama-filled ride.

Please let me know what you think... I will get to work on Deserted now that this is out of my system. I will post for it as soon as I can get the next chapter written. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. I haven't replied, and I apologize for that. But I have loved all the comments, and smiled as I read each one. The response to the last chapter was wonderful, and I am still amazed (and grateful) that so many of you take the time to let me know what you think. THANK YOU ALL!!

A big thanks to psycochick32 for her encouragement, her wonderful beta-ing skills and her friendship. I can't thank you enough!

I would also like to thank psychochick32, Ai Kisugi, and Kinky-Hoe for their nominations and seconds at the Inuyasha Fanguild for my story Voyeur. I am deeply honored. There are no words that could portray my gratitude!

Neisha


	2. His Return

I do not own Inuyasha or its characters.** This_ is_ an Inu/Kag pairing, lol.**

**A/N: Please read...  
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**Thank you to psycochick32 for her wonderful editing abilities and her friendship. I am missing our chats, girl!  
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**I also wanted to thank you all for the wonderful reviews. I realize that sending Inu with Kikyo would throw many off wanting to read the remaining chapters, but I wanted to explore the possible reasons, as well as the resulting emotion and conflict such a choice might make - without it being a " _I'm hurt, but I forgive you immediately_' type of story. **

**Please continue letting me know what you think. I usually write more _fluffy_ fics, but I wanted to explore the more dramatic this time around.  
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**I am currently trying to get another chapter for Deserted written. I haven't forgotten it, but my health and life seem to derail my writing time. My focus has shifted once again to it, and I hope to post something for you all soon. I will not give up on it if you all don't give up on me, lol.**

**Thank you all again for such wonderful encouragement, such sweet reviews, and your ongoing support of my writing. I wouldn't do it without you all there wanting more.**

**Neisha**

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**Watching Her: His return**

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She shuddered, tears leaking from her closed eyes. Death wasn't supposed to be painful. She was supposed to forget everything: the way his ears twitched in the night and the glow of his amber eyes across the fire. She _needed_ to forget the warmth of his embrace and the taste if that one, gentle kiss…

She wasn't supposed to remember the look in his eyes as he said goodbye, his lips silently forming the only words she'd have waited the rest of her life to hear out loud. She wasn't supposed to feel her heart breaking as each step he took carried him further away, the weight of his decision splintering the tender muscle of her heart, the force of his final, whispered goodbye crumbling the shattered remains.

In death, she wasn't supposed to relive that one last moment over and over, until her eyes were raw and her stomach and throat ached with the sobs tearing through it.

She wanted to welcome the nothingness death should have brought her, but instead had to force her eyes closed, ignoring the shimmering blue she could see from behind closed lids, and the pain surging through her side as each breath pulled the skin apart before it had the chance to fully mend itself.

Sesshomaru's poison coursed through her blood, she could feel it in the way her body struggled to focus its power. Three weeks of mourning had weakened her, and she smiled despite the knowledge that she wasn't strong enough to fight anymore.

It wouldn't be a rogue demon to end her sad, broken life; it would be taken by both an inu-hanyou whose choice in death had left her with nothing in life, and his brother, who would give her death to erase her from his. And to think that at one point, she had thought Sesshoumaru incapable of mercy…

She could feel the heat of a fever burning over her skin, could feel her body settle at the bottom of the well, the remains of her heart sinking when she realized that Inuyasha wouldn't be peering into the well's depths, or offering her his hand as she made her way to the surface. He wouldn't be there to hold her close; she'd never again feel the wind in her hair as they ran through the forest together.

She was prepared to let herself die, alone in the bottom of the well responsible for both bringing her to Inuyasha, and taking her away from him. She gave up… there was no reason to make her way out of the darkness. In truth, she couldn't remember how or why she'd come to be inside it to begin with.

The fog that stole into her mind thickened and her grasp on what was happening slipped through her fingers. She allowed her pain to consume her; her heart hurt, her body ached. She vaguely wondered if this is how Inuyasha felt, if this was what hell was like.

Kagome struggled to place events, tried to find her sanity through the unclear memories in her mind. She tried to place the voices she could hear in the distance, the ones arguing over her injury… what injury? And why did it sound so much like Inuyasha?

Her heart quickened, then fell as one memory surfaced; he'd chosen death, and in doing so had forfeited her life as well.

No, it wasn't Inuyasha… because Inuyasha was dead.

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"Oi! What the fuck did you do to her, asshole?!"

For the millionth time in the last few days, Sesshomaru questioned his sanity. Had he realized all those centuries ago what his poison would do to the miko, he'd have assured himself of its complete removal before dropping the woman into the well's depths. But as the situation occurred, it had been a few minutes in the silence of the forest before he realized that while he'd cleaned Kagome's wound, he hadn't neutralized the poison.

He'd waited five hundred years to correct his mistake. He'd studied the legend of the Shikon no Tama, had questioned the dead priestess' sister at length over what would happen once the wish was made. It wasn't until the human taijya and the lecherous monk disappeared that he realized the significance of that night.

He'd wished for the miko to have her friends back… he just hadn't believed the jewel powerful enough to snatch them from existence leaving him saddled with the responsibility of raising a twice orphaned fox kit. He couldn't mistake the essence of the jewel's power coating the area Sango and Miroku had disappeared from.

It seemed the jewel brought the miko's human friends forward in time, its purifying power incapable of taking her adopted demon son as well. Koga had offered to take the demon child to his pack in the Northern Mountains. Shippo had been less than thrilled with the prospect of growing up surrounded by wolves; their leader's motivation seemed rooted more with his one-sided attachment to the fox's adopted mother than his concern for the kit himself.

It was in a lapse of judgment that he'd offered Shippo a place within his pack, a replacement for the human child he'd adopted. The fox kit filled the quiet left in Rin's absence, and while the kit was more than a little confused, the demon child had accepted his offer over that of the wolf. Shippo hadn't questioned Sesshomaru's generosity, and he hadn't offered any explanations.

Left behind to trudge through time alone with Shippo, they endured the passing of time together until a few nights ago when Inuyasha's scent appeared at his grave site, a place Sesshomaru frequented regularly, for more than one reason.

Collection of the pack had been relatively easy; they reappeared in the same place they were in when they'd disappeared: in the small clearing surrounding the well, and Inuyasha's grave.

Sesshomaru had taken the liberty of getting to know the miko's family, and through the centuries had burrowed into their lives as first one person, then that person's son and so on until his ties were as closely woven with the Higurashi name as possible. He'd assured himself the miko in both his scent mark on her body, and in her family tree. After all, he'd failed _twice_ in the past… Kagome wouldn't be his third failure. He'd have no other innocent deaths on his hands.

Pulling his thoughts from the past, Sesshomaru had to physically restrain the urge to ring the hanyou's neck. Five hundred years had dimmed the memory of Inuyasha's vulgarity, but the last few days had refreshed the memory to a vivid irritation.

"I explained this already, Inuyasha. Are you still so dense after all this time?" Sesshomaru replied, his eyes narrowing on his half brother in the darkness.

Inuyasha quieted, Sesshomaru's recollection of the three weeks Kagome had mourned his death weighing heavy on his heart. He'd known she'd take it hard, had known with every shred of his being that Kagome had loved him. But to know that she'd mourned for weeks… that she'd lost herself to that grief… was something he hadn't come to terms with.

Now, as she lay unconscious in his arms, he was forced to see what he had done to the girl. He could see the changes Sesshomaru had spoken of. There was no warmth in her skin, no spark left in her aura. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair, once a shimmering raven black, hung limp and lifeless around her shoulders.

She weighed nothing like he remembered. Her curves were not nearly as pronounced as they had been when she'd been vibrant and happy. His Kagome was a shell of the woman she used to be, and he was the cause.

Sesshomaru reached to push the material of Kagome's shirt aside. He ignored Inuyasha's protective growl as he traced the edge of the wound he'd inflicted upon her fragile flesh. Red and swollen, the wound was already beginning to threaten the female's life, his poison's scent mingling with her own. When he'd dropped her into the well, he'd been certain the wound had been healed- until the realization had struck that his poison still coursed through her veins, and would begin breaking down her flesh until it all but melted from her bones.

Five hundred years had passed for he and Shippo, but only minutes had passed for the miko lying deathly ill in his half brother's embrace.

"Bring her to the house, Inuyasha."

"You can't bring her there, you idiot – her Mom will lose it!" Inuyasha hissed. Pushing himself to stand, Kagome cradled lovingly in his arms, Inuyasha jumped out of the well, Sesshomaru following suit.

"Do you forget, Inuyasha? I know Kagome's family… and have been a large influence on their lives. I knew Kagome's return was nearing. I sent the family on a tour of other Shrines located throughout Japan. They aren't due to return for a few months."

"If you two are finished, I'd suggest taking Kagome into the house. She's bleeding, remember?"

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at the tall red head, unsure of how he should react to the now grown fox kit standing before him. Emerald eyes narrowed lovingly on the woman he'd claimed as his mother five hundred years ago. Shippo extended his arm in a sweeping motion oddly reminiscent of Sesshomaru, motioning toward the relative comfort of the house.

"I agree." Miroku answered as he stepped from the well house with Sango at his side. The two remained unchanged, though they still seemed to regard him uneasily- like he'd disappear on the first breeze that drifted through.

"Fine. But ain't no-one touching her. Kagome will be just fine once we get Sesshomaru's stench out of her blood," Inuyasha growled. Sidestepping the pack, Inuyasha disappeared into the house, the upstairs light flicking on as he moved further into the rooms.

Miroku and Sango followed, each still eyeing their surroundings skeptically. Shippo guided them into said house, and Sesshomaru could hear him explaining various modernized technology beginning with the fox's favorite: the television.

Following slowly behind the mismatched group, Sesshomaru was reminded of a time five hundred years prior, when his every step had been shadowed by his own mismatched pack, a small human girl laughing among them. But those were different times. His heart gave a sad twinge as her name filtered softly through his mind. _Rin… _What he wouldn't give to turn back time; what good was being a powerful demon when he had nothing left to protect?

~~~~~~******~~~~~~

"This is truly amazing!" Miroku murmured with wonder laced heavily in his voice. Watching the box Jaken referred to as a 'television' had been truly awe inspiring… to be able to watch life happening all around them from the privacy of one's home – amazing!

Jaken stood near the window, the TV remote in his hand. "You must not use the 'Pay Per View' option,' he elaborated. "While I am certain you are amazed by the technologies available in this time, there are a few programs you will no doubt find an overbearing interest in…" The toad's eyes were trained on Miroku, and the monk tipped his head in question.

"To what are you referring?" Miroku asked, his eyes rising to Inuyasha. "Has Kagome warned you of these programs as well?"

"She ain't told me nothin' 'bout no hentai programs," Inuyasha answered.

Pushing past the couch, Inuyasha reached to take the 'remote' from the toad's gnarled hands. Jaken sputtered and spat, his ear piercing shrieks echoing through the house as he struggled valiantly to retain said device.

"Then how would you know if she hasn't told you?! Miroku prodded as he scooted closer to the television in anticipation.

"Her little brother did," Inuyasha grinned. Jerking the remote out of Jaken's hand, Inuyasha growled when the toad's shrill voice nearly caused his ears to bleed. Focusing on the need to save his ears, Inuyasha failed to notice his finger resting on the channel button.

"Sesshomaru! These insolent idiots are…"

Punching the toad demon in the nose, Inuyasha watched his body fall back. When the toad hit the bookcase, his shrieking stopped, his body crumbling unconscious on the floor.

"I never could stand that moron," Inuyasha muttered, his attention focused on the remote he held in his clawed hand.

"I would take heed of the toad's warning, Inuyasha. Kagome's time is much more relaxed than the Feudal Era was, and I doubt any of you are ready to fully appreciate the wonders of adult television." Shippo made his way to the couch sitting next to Sango.

"Do what you want," Inuyasha muttered, squeezing the remote tightly before hearing a small crack. "I'm goin' to check on Kagome. He tossed the remote to the monk who failed, in his dumbfounded state, to catch the plastic projectile.

Sango's shocked intake of breath had Inuyasha's attention drawn to the television screen and the obscene visual and sounds emanating from it.

Shippo's laughter followed him as he turned toward the stairs, a blush staining his cheeks, and high-tailed it for the relative safety of Kagome's room.

~~~~~~******~~~~~~

She ignored the sound of her door opening, refused to acknowledge the click of the handle as the metal pin slid home.

Opening her eyes, Kagome was met with the image of her bedroom – blurry, but recognizable. Pressed into the softness of her bed, she forced her eyes to close. It was all too real, all too soon and she willed the darkness to claim her again.

She tried to tune out the voices she could hear in the distance. If she were sane, she'd have sworn that she could hear Sango's soft laughter, and Miroku's excited chatter as someone sounding suspiciously like Jaken explained the dos and don'ts of using the remote for the television, and X-rated movies.

She had to be dead, because there was no way Jaken would be in her time, let alone in her living room, giving lessons on modern technology to the members of her small group, or by the sounds of it, watching porn downstairs while she lay (obviously dead) alone upstairs.

Her vision swirled in black as nothingness reached to claim her again. But she took the image of silver hair, and concerned golden eyes with her into oblivion.

~~~~~~******~~~~~~

"What the fuck did you do to her?!" Inuyasha snarled. Pressing the gauze pad over the wound, Inuyasha turned his glare to Sesshomaru. Sitting quietly at Kagome's desk, the eldest demon did nothing more than shift his gaze from Kagome's pale face to his and back again.

"I did nothing more than grant her request, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha snorted, his gaze filled with anger… and jealousy. "You fucking bit her! I can smell your scent all over her… inside her! It's in her blood, in her scent! I have a hard time believing she asked you to mark her, you son of a bitch!"

Curling his claws into his fist, Inuyasha moved to the end of the bed, his body shaking with the effort to restrain himself.

"I merely scent marked her, Inuyasha. I did not mate the wench." Moving silently from his seat, Sesshomaru knelt beside the bed to inspect Kagome's wound. "There is nothing I can do. The poison is too far advanced. She survived, though I am amazed that a human could withstand the dosage still running through her veins."

"Why didn't you neutralize the poison when you had the chance, Sesshomaru?!" Inuyasha paced, his long strides taking him from one end of the room to another and back again. He raised his hand, intent on pummeling the door, unsure whether he was angrier with his brother… or with himself. Her voice caused him to stumble, his eyes landing on her face as his hand fell flat against the wooden door. "Inuyasha?"

Kagome glanced around, her eyes coming to rest on Sesshomaru still kneeling at the side of her bed. "No… Sesshomaru?"

Inuyasha's fingers curled into the door, his claws raking gouges into the hard wood as Kagome reached to cup his brother's cheek.

"Why didn't you kill me? Why couldn't you let me die? I don't want to hurt anymore, Sesshomaru." Her words slurred, and Sesshomaru's head tilted slightly to the side, his hand falling to her forehead testing her fever and brushing her hair from her eyes.

"You're delirious, Kagome. Rest now. You'll be fine." Sesshomaru's voice was soothing; it was the voice of a man who'd lost far too much, and Inuyasha was left wondering just what the two had shared those final weeks in the past.

"But I won't be…" Kagome's voice drifted off in the silence, but her final words lingered in the silence that stretched between the two demons. "He's dead, Sesshomaru, and without him… I am too."

It was the uncomfortable silence that prompted Inuyasha to speak. There were too many unanswered questions, and Inuyasha found himself leaning against the railing if Kagome's bed. "Why didn't you neutralize the poison, Sesshomaru?"

Moving back to his seat, Sesshomaru merely studied the stars on the opposite side of the window. For a long moment, Inuyasha was unsure whether his brother would answer. But _something_ had prompted him to stay with Kagome. _Something_ had convinced him that he should scent mark her to find her easier in the future. He'd thought the scenario through, and had yet to find any reason why the elder demon would protect his miko… why he would honor her request at all. Sesshomaru had thought it all through, so why would he 'miss' the one detail that could have killed the woman he'd spent three weeks protecting?

"I cleaned the wound, inspected it to be certain it was closed properly. I have no reason as to why I didn't neutralize the poison. I returned her to the well, watched the power take her before I realized my mistake. I am here now to correct it, nothing more." Sesshomaru's voice was soft, but Inuyasha had the vague notion his brother wasn't telling him the whole truth.

"You have no reason, or you have a reason, but one you aren't willing to share?"

Inuyasha's voice was strained, his suspicions very clear in the hard edge of his voice. "The Sesshomaru I knew didn't make mistakes. You expect me to believe you made one with her?"

"I have nothing more to share with you, little brother. I will fix the issue and move on."

"And what will your poison do to her, Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha snarled, "What side effects will she be left with?"

"I do not know."

~~~~~~******~~~~~~

For hours, the two spoke. Sesshomaru gave Inuyasha a rundown of what had happened in the centuries between the past and present; both studiously avoided the topic of the girl lying near them, clinging to life.

Kagome laid still, the fog that clouded her mind seeming to clear with each passing second. But it wasn't right. Inuyasha was dead… she seen it, repeatedly, _death_ having done nothing to ease the pain of watching him choose death with Kikyo, instead of life with her.

She told herself, over and over, that the voices she was hearing were in her head. Though the conversation was shrouded in a loud buzzing that made deciphering words impossible, she was certain the voices she was hearing belonged to Sesshomaru… and Inuyasha.

But that was impossible. Sesshomaru was a part of her past, and Inuyasha was dead… right? Forcing her eyes open, her heart surged when Inuaysha's image cleared in front of her. He stood, alive, at the end of her bed. Inuyasha was alive!

Rushing forward, Inuyasha pulled her to his chest, her name falling in a jumbled whisper next to her ear. It was his voice… his scent! Kagome pulled him close, buried her head in his chest, smiling at the steady beat she found there.

When he pulled back, it was his eyes that held her, and in that moment her heart broke all over again. Who was he seeing? How was it that he lived when he'd died less than a month before being held in _her_ arms?

The pain resurfaced, burying her happiness at seeing him, and drowning her in the anguish she'd been living since he'd 'died'.

"I'll never leave you again, Kagome. I swear it!

She couldn't stop the tear that fell from her eyes as an old memory clawed its way to the forefront of her mind. "_I'll never leave you again…"_

But he _had_ left her, and she'd suffered his loss for three weeks… was still suffering!

"Gods, Kagome – you have to believe me, I'm so, so-"

She caught the sob that tore through her chest when she realized his intent… her voice breaking when she forced the one word through her lips she'd never thought to utter. "Don't," she begged, her fingers pressed against the warmth of his lips as if she could hold in his apology. An unexpected wave of anger rushed through her. How dare he? He, who never apologized for anything…

"Kagome?" His confusion tore at her heart and soothed the anger. Suddenly contrite, exhausted and overwhelmed, she dropped her gaze.

"Inuyasha. I think perhaps it is best if you waited out in the hall." It was Sesshomaru who spoke, unknowingly saving her from having to choke out any more words.

* * *

Let me know what you think?

Until the next one...

Neisha

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	3. Her Pain

I do not own Inuyasha or its characters.

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Watching Her: Her Pain

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Are you all right?"

Inuyasha's voice filtered past her ears. Flinching in the darkness, Kagome shrugged her shoulders, the pen in her hand falling softly onto the pages of her diary. It had been years since she'd used it. It'd been a gift from her father, a place she'd used for therapy… a place to hide her pain.

"I haven't been all right for a long time, Inuyasha. I doubt I'll ever be all right again." Her words held no humor, and none of the warmth that usually accompanied their conversations. She'd sat in the darkness for days; Sesshomaru had kept the others away, making her excuses, though she didn't know why. He'd stayed in her room, his bed the chair resting silently in front the computer. He said nothing to her, and she nothing to him. He would do as he pleased, and frankly- she didn't care.

Sango and Miroku came every night to visit, as did Shippo and Inuyasha. She'd been stunned at the man Shippo had grown into, and could see the influence of both Inuyasha and Sesshomaru in him. She didn't much speak, but listened… and avoided meeting anxious golden eyes.

But she couldn't bring herself from her sanctuary; her bedroom and the roof above were the only places she visited since being brought from the well in a half-daze. She _knew_ she'd have to talk to Inuyasha sooner or later, but had hoped her pain and anger would have dimmed a bit more before he'd come to her room… without the others in tow.

She sat beside the window, her hand shaking as she waited for him to speak, wishing desperately that he'd realize she wasn't ready to talk with him- not yet. His voice in the darkness shattered her hopes.

"I know you're hurting…"

Her gaze cut him off, her body tensing in the way that always foreshadowed a 'sitting' that would rock his senses for hours on end.

"What do you remember, Inuyasha? Did you _see _hell?" When he shook his head in the negative, she chuckled, a humorless sound that echoed off of the walls before disappearing in the chilled silence.

"I don't remember any of it," he offered.

"You don't remember… " Kagome stood, her diary left forgotten on the windowsill. Facing the man she loved, Kagome continued, her body shaking with the force of her emotions, her voice rising with every word that slipped through her clenched jaw. "Well, I _do, _Inuyasha. I do because I _lived it_! I remember every detail, every scent. I remember the heat of the magic, and the shiver of the trees as the forest sealed your grave!"

"I didn't _want_ to go, damn it!" Inuyasha swore, his own voice rising in the sudden silence. "I _wanted_ to stay with you! I lov-" Inuyasha nearly fell backward at her sudden shove, her body holding more strength than he'd thought she recovered.

Her words hissed past his ears, her beautiful brown eyes narrowed in unrestrained anger. "Don't you dare- don't you _fucking_ dare! I waited for you! I lived for you, _cried_ for you. In that forest, I _died _with you! _You… have… no… right_!" Kagome screamed, her every word emphasized by each blow she dealt the hanyou's chest. "You gave that up the moment you chose to die with _her!_"

Inuyasha's regret swung to anger, his heart waging war with his mind… and his jealousy. He'd gone to hell with Kikyo for his honor: he'd given his word. But _she'd_ spent weeks in his brother's company! Sesshomaru _stayed_ in this room with her; this was her _private_ space, shared only with _him…_ and for the last few days, Sesshomaru. She pushed everyone away; he included, but allowed his brother's presence! Just what the _fuck_ was going on between them, anyway!?

"I don't have the right? I'm dead for three _fucking_ weeks and you move on to my brother? What? Is it that we look alike?! Is he my replacement?" Inuyasha hissed. Stalking closer, he pinned Kagome against the wall, his arms on either side of her head, claws sheathed in the soft, white paint.

Looking down at her, Inuyasha wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms. He wanted to kiss the sadness from her scent, mark her with his own. He _hated_ that Sesshomaru's scent surrounded her, _hated_ that her time was spent more in _his_ company.

Her voice brought him from his musings, her anger building between them as the tension steadily increased. "Your life is Kikyo's, remember? Isn't that what you told me? What do you care who I spend my time with and why?"

"He's my _fucking _brother, Kagome!" Inuyasha snarled.

"How does it feel, Inuyasha? To know that I'm with him, not certain just what it is between us?" Ducking under his arm, Kagome moved toward the door, her aura swirling wickedly around her. It was the only thing that kept him from rushing to her, from pinning her to the wall and kissing her senseless until all she thought of was him, all she wanted was him! But the sizzle of her power against his aura told him that she'd purify the demon from him- possibly for good if he dared venture any closer.

"I spent _years_ in that position, wondering who you wanted, which of us you would choose in the end! And you chose her, Inuyasha! You chose her…" Turning on her heel, Kagome rushed through the door leaving Inuyasha staring after her in stunned silence.

Was that what she thought? Didn't she understand that he'd done it out of honor, that if the _choice_ had been his, he'd have taken her that night, made her his before any and all, demon or human? He'd told her he'd loved her—didn't that mean _anything_ to her?

Sitting heavily in the window, his attention was drawn to the book digging painfully into his thigh. Pulling it from under his leg, Inuyasha tossed it onto Kagome's bed, his gaze falling to the words written on the pages when the 'pen' she'd used forced the binding open.

He knew he shouldn't read it. He knew that he should have her permission before nosing through words she'd added to the pages… but she was already pissed. What was one more indiscretion on his part when she obviously hated him already?

Flipping silently through the pages, Inuyasha kept one ear trained for any movement outside the door.

_August 11, 2009_

_I __knew__ he was dead… I __watched__ him die! And I __waited__… god I waited for him to come back to me; like it was all a sick dream that I lived, over and over, until I'd forgotten what it was like to feel whole again. Three weeks I prayed, and for three weeks I was denied. He took my heart with him… he __knew__ he owned it! How could he throw that away? How could he think, for even a moment that I could move on without him? _

_And still I feel his words. I'd only dreamed of hearing them said, and even that was denied me. I __saw__ him say them, __saw __the emotion in his eyes… but even in choosing death he couldn't utter them aloud. And I wondered, I __still__ wonder if he couldn't say them in front of __her__. Was he ashamed? Were her feelings so much more important to him that he couldn't say the way he felt about me in front of her?_

_I am selfish, I know. But aren't I allowed that? Isn't it unfair that the love of my life can't vocalize his feelings because of another woman's presence? I'd dreamed of the moment he'd tell me, visualized being held in his arms, his words for my hearing alone._

_And instead he chose another over me, rejected everything I offered to __die__ with her, telling me __silently__the words I had only dreamed of hearing… while being wrapped in __her__ arms!_

_How could he __say__ that? How could he leave me knowing that he __loved__ me - just not enough to stay with __me__? How could he leave when he __knew__ I loved him, when I __begged__ him to stay?!_

_How could he? _

It was sobering to read those words, and Inuyasha's heart fell in the knowledge that he'd not only broken Kagome's heart by leaving, he'd left her burdened with the thought that he couldn't declare his feelings for her in front of Kikyo.

He'd thought he was being courteous to _both_ women… not hurting Kikyo by claiming his love of another, and of Kagome by not sharing such a private declaration with anyone but her. He'd never told her, and had also dreamed of holding Kagome the first time he uttered those words. But time and honor had been against him.

He'd spent the better part of a year trying to find a way out of his vow. But it had been in vain; there was nothing he could do to get out of honoring his promise to Kikyo except going against his word. That wasn't going to happen; he couldn't and wouldn't allow the world to view him for another moment as the worthless beast they thought him to be. He was honorable, his word meant _everything!_

He couldn't allow Kagome to spend her life with a creature regarded by the populace to be less the honorable, less than worthy. She deserved far more than that. She deserved a _man_ worthy of her love. He wanted to be that man!

He'd earned the villagers' respect during the fight with Naraku, but in going against his word to Kikyo, he'd lose that honor and disgrace his family name. He was tired of being a disgrace, tired of being considered nothing more than an animal in the eyes of all who beheld him!

If he went back on his vow to Kikyo and mated Kagome, the villagers would whisper that she'd mated an honor less beast! He wouldn't do that to his Kagome. He wouldn't allow the villagers to view her in anything less than the light she deserved!

But he hadn't thought his death would shatter her world, hadn't thought she couldn't move on without him. She was a strong, beautiful woman! And he'd broken her…

Blinking the tears from his eyes, Inuyasha forced himself to continue.

_August 12, 2009_

_There's no way out- no way to feel whole again. He left, and my heart breaks every night as I relive that moment again and again, wishing it were me dying so the pain would cease, and my heart couldn't break anymore._

_It __hurts__! __It's like salt poured over an open wound, left to sting and burn until I want to rip my heart from my chest and hurl it into a fire. I want to watch it burn, along with my emotions, along with my love, until I can't __feel__ anymore; until I can't die inside anymore!_

_Sometimes I feel like Inuyasha's playing mind games with me. I love you, I love her. I want to be with you, but I'm going with her…_

_It seems surreal to have him back, but my heart feels betrayed… I feel betrayed. He was my rock, I could do anything with him by my side, but without him—that rock shifted crushing my heart beneath it as it disappeared._

Inuyasha felt as though someone had forced their fist through his chest, the burning of emotion so intense that he struggled to contain it. No wonder she'd avoided him since waking! No wonder she wouldn't look him in the eye, or allow his embrace.

He'd hurt a great many people with his callous words and actions, but never had it affected him as her words were now. Never had some else's emotions been so vivid, or so very important! Never had he wished, with every fiber of his being, that he could go back in time to correct the choice he'd made! He'd never meant to hurt her, never meant to make her suffer… he was only trying to do what was right!

His fingers curled into the binding, his claws scraping against the leather cover as he tried to control his emotions. He'd hurt her, and there was no forgiveness for that.

Eyeing the next entry, he knew he was sure to be sick. Even if she ever deemed him worthy of her forgiveness… he knew he'd never forgive himself!

_******August 15, 2009_

_Do you know what alone is?_

_Can you feel it in the despair laced through your voice, hear it in the whispered plea that goes unheard in the night?_

_Do you know what it's like to wake from a dream, your own nightmarish scream echoing unheard around you? Have you had to soothe your own fears in the darkness, talk yourself down from some imagined horror? Have you spent hours convincing yourself that the noise outside your window is just tree branches skidding haphazardly across the glass panes? _

_After all, who would want you anyway?_

_Have you felt it in the lonely touch of your hand? Imagined it to be the touch of a lover's, while the fact remains it belongs to you?_

_You are alone after all. _

_Do you long for words that go unsaid, unheard... unknown_

_Do you feel it when you shiver at night, the longing for another's warmth- a lingering pain in your heart?_

_Do you see it when you gaze in the mirror, the reflection a mere shadow of the person you used to be?_

_**I do.**_

_I hear it in the voice that is pushed through my vocal cords, no one caring what's said- not even me._

_I hear it in the pleas I make every night, my eyes closed, my body resting on its knees, hands folded in prayer._

_I hear it in the night when my screams wake me, and I cry alone for what the nightmare costs me; no one is there to wipe away my tears, to console me, to simply hold me because they want to._

_I feel it when the night falls over me, when my own traitorous hands reach to caress wanton flesh._

_I imagine that it's __his __hands that love me, __his__ hands that pleasure me; but it isn't the same, and it never will be again._

_I feel it in the night when no amount of blankets keeps me warm, no amount of heat providing for me the warmth I so desire. After all, a heater can't lie beside me, can't hold me, and can't console me._

_It can't __love __me._

_And yes, I see it in the reflection that stares back at me through the mirror. I can see it in the bottomless brown eyes that blink back at me and in the tears that rain so easily from them._

_But mostly I hear it in my own voice- in the way I plead with the kami to show me the path to happiness, even while knowing that my destiny is already laid out before me- to be traveled alone.******_

Inuyasha frowned, her sadness so tangible he could nearly feel it emanating off the pages. What had he done? While he remembered nothing of hell with Kikyo, Kagome remembered every last moment, every detail… and her loneliness cut away at his heart. He _knew_ the emptiness she wrote about, remembered clearly how alone _he'd_ been before meeting Kikyo. That loneliness was the reason he'd latched onto the friendship she'd offered. It wasn't until he'd met Kagome that the loneliness had gone away; Kagome taught him the difference between love and friendship.

Loneliness was something he wouldn't have wished on anyone, and yet he'd left Kagome, the woman he loved with his entire being… alone.

_August 16, 2009_

_I can't bear to see him, can't bear the regret swimming in his gaze. I don't __want__ his explanations, don't __want__ to understand! I want to hurt him as he's hurt me. I __want__ him to __know__ what it feels like to have what he wants near him, but not __with__ him. _

_These feelings are like the darkness, they consume everything. I can't see past the veil of unhappiness that is draped over my heart, can't move forward, or back. I am stuck in this place because I can't get past the emptiness that surrounds me._

_I know that no matter how much I cry, the only answer I'll receive is the painful throb of my shattered heart. It won't be his fingers to brush the proof of my pain from my cheek, or his lips to kiss away the sorrow. It won't be his arms holding me tight as the hurt wraps around me, forcing out my will to live as easily as he'd chosen death with her, instead of life with me._

_It won't be… because I'm already dead inside._

_What have I become? Am I so cold, so dead enough to push him away?! _

_Am I cold-hearted? Maybe I am. But in my defense: my heart died __with__ him- because he __was__ my heart._

Standing, Inuyasha ignored the shaking of his hands, the pages of the diary shivering in the darkness of her room in response to his emotion.

Sesshomaru had _seen_ her mourn, had watched the life fade from her eyes. And yet he'd stayed… _stayed _with her while he'd gone, _protected_ her in his absence. Falling to his knees in front of the window, Inuyasha found his brother's lonely figure standing silent and serene in the courtyard. What had that meant to Kagome? Had he traded Kagome's love for his honor, and if so, was his brother more deserving of it?

Taking a breath, Inuyasha reached to turn the page, unprepared for the words that lanced straight through his heart.

_August 17, 2009 _

_I love him, and kami-sama… it's killing me._

_He chose her, but __he__ stayed with me. Three weeks I cried, three weeks I begged the kami, Buddha, the Christian God – anybody! – to take my soul so I couldn't hurt anymore. And three weeks __he__ stayed, standing a silent vigil as I mourned. He didn't have to stay, didn't offer compassion, or a kind word: __just__ stayed, when the one I loved most wouldn't._

_Sesshomaru stayed because __he __wanted to… because Inuyasha didn't._

_I find myself wondering if Inuyasha is happy. Does his heart ache as mine does; is he lonely like I am? I try to reach out to him- I know he's there, just beyond my reach, waiting for one word to call him to my side. I want him, and he is there, just beyond the shadows that consume me. But I can't. I can't, and it kills me._

_I need him, and he is there, waiting to wrap me up in his arms. I love him, and he has said he loves me… but I can't find happiness in that. I can't find the warmth in him, because I can't find it in myself. I want to let this go. I want the hurt to stop, want the anger to simmer and fizzle out, as it did so many times in the past._

_Before, I could see his obligation to __Kikyo__, could understand the reasons he sought her out. I could see it—but I didn't __like__ it. Now, when I see him, I see her; her eyes shining with love, her arms holding him close._

_It isn't me…_

_I don't know if I want do this again. To have my hopes raised, to feel my excitement grow, my heart beating with anticipation each time I look at him, never knowing if my dreams will be stolen the moment I look away. I couldn't do it again- never again… I barely survived the first time._

_I find myself wondering if love is worth it at all. I gave Inuyasha all of me. I fear I have nothing left to give… I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone- not even my worst enemy._

_Maybe Sesshomaru has the right idea... emotions aren't worth the effort. Love is just another weapon to kill you from the inside out._

Inuyasha dropped the book in the windowsill, his mind shutting down and his heart finally breaking as soundly as hers so obviously had.

He'd made the wrong decision… _he _should have been the one to stay with Kagome; he should have been with the woman he _loved_.

He owed Sesshomaru… _owed_ him for guarding the woman he'd left behind. His anger melted away as resignation took its place. Perhaps it was time to talk… really _talk_ to his brother. He _understood_ Kagome's feelings now, and _hated_ himself for hurting her.

He'd made the wrong choice, and it had been Sesshomaru, ice prince of the West, who'd corrected it. It was Sesshomaru who protected her now; he had given up that privilege the day he'd chosen honor over her love.

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**A/N! Please read...  
**

**The 'Alone' segment of the journal dated (for this story) August 15,2009 is a copy written piece I had planned to keep in the recesses of my computer, but it fit so well with this chapter that I decided to allow it the light of day. There were a few modifications to the original to make it fit _this_ story, but the structure remains the same. **

**I am sorry this chapter is late... life, as always, interfered, lol.**

Thanks to psycochick32 for her wonderful editing skills!! This is my favorite chapter of the story, and I found through writing it that angst is almost easier to write than fluff, lol.

I do hope you liked it... and I hope that you all will let me know what you thought. Only two chapters left!

I haven't been feeling well, though I have managed to outline the next chapter of Deserted. I do hope you'll all still be with me when I actually get it posted, lol. I am so glad that so many of you are still waiting to read more and I am still amazed at the out-pouring of interest and reviews it has received. I am spoiled... thank you!!

I haven't had a chance to reply to reviews for Watching Her. THANK YOU to those who have taken the time to review... I am missing so many though, and I hope that they are all well and happy. Hope to hear from everyone soon. It always leaves me smiling to read that you found something in my writing that you enjoyed!

Neisha

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	4. Change of Perspective

I do not own Inuyasha or its characters.

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Watching Her: Change of Perspective

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There, on the roof, Kagome allowed her tears. No one would witness her heartbreak; no one would see her pain. Sitting heavily, she drew her knees to her chest, her cheek cushioned by her knees. There was so much emptiness surrounding her. No one stirred in the courtyard, and there was no movement in the house. There was no breeze to stir the leaves of the Goshinboku tree, no wildlife to distract her.

_Kami_, she missed the past. There had been many nights that she'd cried beneath the old tree, the wildlife singing to her soul. It was a similar distraction she longed for in the silence that surrounded her now.

For so many years she'd loved the hanyou. And for so many years she'd managed the heartbreak his leaving would cause; she'd forgiven him. Why couldn't she find it in her heart to forgive him this time? Why, after all the hurt, after all the betrayal, was this time any different?

Inuyasha had left to be with _her_… again. The only difference: it _should_ have been permanent. So how was he alive? How could he be there, with them, his flesh warm with life, his heart beating in his chest? The thought plagued her, tormented her waking moments as his death _still_ tormented her sleep.

What about Sesshomaru? The taiyoukai stayed with her… both in the past and in the present. She was healing, her body accepting his poison, modifying it to run alongside the purification that should have eliminated it. Something in the jewel, in her power, had melded with Sesshomaru's poison.

She was changing. But she'd asked for it; he'd warned her of the possible repercussions. She'd blackmailed him, and she'd live with the consequences of her actions, no matter how odd they may be. Kagome never told Sesshomaru, or anyone else, that she could _feel_ him now, could sense his movement as he traversed the courtyard. She never mentioned that if she concentrated hard enough, she could _feel _his heart beat, could _feel_ his sadness. She'd come to understand, in the time that had passed, that he was as alone as she was, that he'd lost something precious to him as well. Since coming home the connection had strengthened; with every day that passed, Kagome realized that it wasn't going away.

In blackmailing Sesshomaru, she had seemingly tied them together. How did one go about informing the world's most frightening taiyoukai, who _hated_ humans, that he would be tied to one for an undetermined amount of time? And worse, how was she to tell Sesshomaru that she could feel the emotions he kept hidden behind his beautifully expressionless face?

They were polar opposites: she warm and caring _(at least, she used to be)_… he was cold and distant _(or was he?)_. She was human; he was a mighty demon who hated the blood that coursed through her veins.

So why had he stayed in her presence all these weeks? Why had he been so willing to dismiss the others when words failed her? Why did he sleep so very close, yet stay so very distant? They shared no words, offered no apologies, no explanations. They merely coexisted, sharing the same space, but nothing of each other. It simply made no sense: the demon that loved her left, while the one who hated her stayed…

Kagome closed her eyes, her mind fixated on the two demons that perplexed her more with each passing moment; two brothers who shared so much, yet were as vastly different as the land and the sea.

Concentrating on quieting her harsh breathing, Kagome missed the sound of feet finding purchase on the roof beside her, but she did hear the rustle of clothing as the being settled silently beside her on the roof top.

Kagome watched Sesshomaru from the corner of her eye as he studied the moon. He always seemed at peace while watching the horizon; every night he'd spent in the past with her had been in silence, his attention riveted on the serenity he seemed to find in the pale spherical object. Every morning he watched the sun rise, took in the burnt hues of the rising sun- like he drew energy from the dawn to prepare to meet the coming of yet another day… alone.

She'd known he was there, as had Shippo and Miroku, Kirara and Sango. Sesshomaru had seemed to prefer her silence, and she'd been happy to acquiesce.

The great Sesshomaru had changed; she knew it as certainly as she knew her own heart. Five hundred years had passed for him; five hundred _long_, likely lonely years. And he _had_ changed, adapting to the world around him, and becoming almost… human.

For long moments they shared the silence. He didn't offer anything, and she refused to break the peace. She'd come to recognize his aura; her power didn't warn him away. Instead it seemed to welcome his presence, as if he had become an extension of her. And perhaps he had.

It had been odd, those first few mornings waking to the taiyoukai in her room, dressed in casual slacks and a silk button down shirt. He retained his long hair, but his marking were gone; she could feel the magic concealing them. Though she could understand the need to shield them, she wished that he'd release the binding that kept his real face from her sight. She needed something real to believe in, not magic and myths or secrets and wishes.

Turning her head, Kagome openly studied him. Sesshomaru stayed beside her, his golden eyes staring into the night. For a long moment she merely watched.

He waited.

When she sighed, Sesshomaru pulled his gaze from the darkness to her face, and the silent tears still shimmering in her eyes.

"Why?" she whispered. '_Why did you stay with me… why are you __still__ with me?' _Knowing he would understand her simple question, Kagome waited. He would answer… eventually.

Silence closed around them, a blanket shared between two unlikely beings: like a lamb and a lion sharing the night, so did a small human female, and a fearless demon Lord.

It was he that broke the silence, his words carefully chosen, soft, so _unlike_ the Sesshomaru she'd learned to fear.

"Totosai informed me of Inuyasha's vow to the dead priestess. It was also he who notified me of my half-brother's desire to stay with you. Inuyasha didn't seek my counsel on the matter. It wasn't until I lost Rin that I realized the solution lay with me; I am alpha, my pack answers to _my_ law. I buried Rin two nights before finding Inuyasha's scent, but he had honored his obligation to the priestess moments before my arrival; there was nothing I could do."

Kagome remembered the night clearly; she'd hit Sesshomaru… repeatedly. He had done nothing to stop her assault on his person… just stood tall and proud _allowing_ her anger. Then, when her anger turned to agony, he'd held her, combing lethal claws through her hair without so much a nicking her fragile skin or breaking even a single hair. He'd held her while she cried, didn't belittle her emotions with sentimentalities he didn't feel. He just held her, until exhaustion had taken its toll and, for a tiny moment, she knew no more of the nightmare around her. He'd laid her on the ground with enough care that she didn't wake, stood silent guard for weeks without so much a word to his own agony…

Kagome snorted, wincing at the unlady-like action, but feeling no remorse for it. Wiping impatiently at her face, Kagome willed the tears to stop their decent. How could he know? Sesshomaru had arrived _after_ Inuyasha made his choice. The elder demon didn't hear her beg, or see her _grovel_ on her knees before his younger brother. He didn't hear her plea for Inuyasha to stay, nor did he know of Inuyasha's refusal…

"Inuyasha didn't want to stay with me, Sesshomaru." Dropping her gaze, Kagome continued, her voice hardened, her words clipped in bitterness. "I begged him to stay- told him that he had a family with us… that he had _me._ I cried, pleaded… begged." Raising her eyes, Kagome expected to see disgust in his eyes. But Sesshomaru merely listened; she felt no pity coming from him, saw no abhorrence in his gaze.

There was silence before Sesshomaru spoke again, drawing Kagome from the past once more. "Do you understand honor, Kagome?"

She didn't answer, merely studied the man beside her. When he continued, she dropped her gaze to eye the sleeve of her shirt wishing she had something _other_ than her clothing to blow her nose in.

Sesshomaru nearly smiled at the disgruntled look on the miko's face. Reaching into his shirt, he pulled a small handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Thanks."

With a nod of his head, Sesshomaru turned his gaze to the distance once more, and the eyes of his half brother who listened silently in the darkness.

"In this time, honor means less than it once did. Time contaminates the importance of such beliefs, and the line between doing what is right versus what we want often blurs. Inuyasha and I are from a time where honor meant everything. One did not base actions on his desires; to do so often lead to less than honorable actions. When a being acts dishonorably, the action reflects on the family as a whole.

My Father died protecting a human female, and the half-brother I spent years despising. He gave _everything_ to a human woman for her companionship. Even then, I did not understand. My father died for her out of love… and honor, just as Inuyasha did for you. My brother died _despite_ his desire to stay, faced the unknown _knowing_ that you, his _companion_, would be honored by his action, not dishonored by his desire. Inuyasha chose honor over desire, _love_ over fear."

Sesshomaru held Kagome's gaze, willed her to understand what he was trying to say. '_Rin chose to live honorably for me, too. She should have run from the injured demon she'd found. Instead she endured human brutality for friendship, followed me for years though I offered her nothing in return. She put her faith in me… she, too, chose love over fear.'_

"Rin gave me something to protect… she was _my_ companion, lost to me by my own unwillingness to learn the human condition. I lost her to a disease that I could have saved her from if I'd taken the time to learn more of human weakness, instead of condemning them for it." Sesshomaru paused, his eyes falling on the tear-filled eyes of yet another human who'd allowed his protection, without question, without expectation…

"Life is not meant to be spent alone. I learned _that_ from a small, _human_ female who lost her life… not once, but twice. Her first life was spent alone, as was her first death. She suffered beatings to eat, starvation and loneliness from those who should have taken pride in the beautiful soul she possessed.

When she found me… she offered me food despite the pain it brought her, and friendship despite the heart break she'd lived with when her family was taken. She showed _me_, a demon far superior in age and knowledge, what _companionship_ was."

Kagome let her tears fall, her eyes caught by the unguarded emotion shadowed deep in Sesshomaru's gaze. She cried _for_ him: for his loss of Rin, and for his loneliness. She cried for the isolation he kept himself in, and the heart he wouldn't share. But mostly she cried because she understood...

"You feel first with your heart, as is the human condition. When emotion is again controlled, you then study the details; you were not ready to listen then."

"The jewel… and my friends, how is that possible, Sesshomaru?"

"The jewel disappeared while I cleaned your wound… before I dropped you in the well. I thought it fitting you had your pack returned for the sacrifice you'd given in Naraku's destruction. The jewel agreed."

Kagome raised her hand, hesitating only a moment before cupping Sesshomaru's cheek. "I know why Rin chose you," Kagome whispered, her eyes caught by his surprised stare.

The spell hiding his markings shimmered and fell. Magenta strips reflected in her eyes, and for a moment he remembered what Rin's companionship felt like… whole and pure, completely selfless. _This_ was why he'd stayed. For three weeks, Kagome had been the balm soothing his aching heart, her aura so much like Rin's. _This_ was why he returned five hundred years later: to offer her the same comfort she had him, though she knew nothing of it.

"She saw you…" Kagome smiled when Sesshomaru blinked, obviously doubting the sanity of her words.

'_Of course she saw me, she wasn't blind…'_

"She saw the warmth inside of you, the heart you hide so very well. She _saw_ you…" In a moment of clarity, or insanity depending on the individual's opinion, Kagome leaned forward, her lips brushing softly over Sesshomaru's cheek before her words ghosted past his sensitive ears. "You are special Sesshomaru, especially to me. Thank you, for everything."

Sesshomaru watched her pull away and climb to her feet. He willed his emotions back into place, began the task of rebuilding the wall of ice Inuyasha's miko had melted. He barely caught Kagome's final words, and was unprepared for the answering flare of hope that surged to life in his heart, shattering his resolve to rebuild the wall.

"You wished for my friends' return… Rin was counted among my friends. If she wasn't brought back… well, I am Kikyo's reincarnation, Sesshomaru. It stands to reason that Rin would have one, too."

* * *

"Did he find you?"

Kagome nearly fell through the window of her room. She'd been busy counting her lucky stars that Sesshomaru hadn't cut the lips from her face; she'd _kissed_ him! And he'd been so shell-shocked to have allowed it! There was something wrong in the timeline… things weren't as they should be! Maybe she _was_ dead after all. Maybe _this_ was an alternate universe designed to mess with her mind… maybe this was _her_ hell!

"Who?" Kagome winced when her toe rammed painfully into the nightstand beside her bed. Flopping unceremoniously onto the mattress, she pulled her foot into her lap rubbing the injured toe and keeping her gaze _away_ from Shippo's knowing one.

"You know damn well…" Shippo dropped his gaze guiltily when her eyes snapped up to his, a look of horror on her face.

He didn't notice the way her irritation melted away, a forlorn expression ghosting across her face. "I'm sorry."

Her words were soft, and Shippo pulled his gaze from the floor to study the woman he'd claimed as his mother.

"I forget you're older than I am now," she murmured. "I didn't get to raise you… didn't get to watch over you like I promised I would."

Shippo's heart fell when he scented her tears. Moving to her bedside, he dropped to his knees in front of her. Reaching to take her hand, he waited until her gaze lifted to his before finding his voice again. "When Inuyasha left…"

"Don't." Kagome hissed. "Don't make his excuses. Inuyasha made his choices, and we all have to live with what changed after that."

"And we have, Kagome. It wasn't what any of us wanted to have happen, but it happened. There was nothing Inuyasha could have done to prevent it." Kagome narrowed her eyes, her fingers tightening on Shippo's clawed fingers. "He tried, Kagome."

Drawing in a shaky breath, Kagome watched as Shippo fidgeted under her watchful gaze, just as he had done five hundred years before when he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing.

"What are you saying, Shippo?"

"Inuyasha made me swear not to tell. And I kept that promise, even after seeing how hard it was for him. Inuyasha questioned everyone he could think of, trying to find a way to stay with us... and you."

"Stop…"

Shippo pushed on, his hand clutching Kagome's as she tried to pull away.

"But no one could help him. The night Kikyo came to him, he cornered me… asked me to tell you that he loved you. I was supposed to take care of you… for him," he whispered, his gaze dropping from her stunned expression.

"I didn't tell you. I wanted to… and I tried, but you wouldn't leave Inuyasha's grave. And I was so sad, and it hurt to see you cry… he was like a father to me…" He was rambling... he knew he was, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Shippo…"

Kagome's voice cracked, and Shippo panicked, his words falling in a rush from his lips. "I missed him so much. I thought that if I waited long enough that he'd come back! Inuyasha _always_ came back… but he didn't. I couldn't tell you what I was supposed to… I couldn't make you cry again! And when I finally got the courage to tell you, I went to find you… but you were gone! You left me… and Inuyasha never came back either."

Shippo choked back a sob when Kagome pulled him to her. "I'm so sorry, Shippo! I'm so, so sorry…" For long moments Kagome held him; he was her little boy, a demon child she had wanted to raise as her own. Rocking back and forth, Kagome cried, her arms trembling as she clung to Shippo, his words muffled in her hair.

"He loved you, Kagome… Inuyasha loved you."

Her voice cracked when she spoke, her eyes raised to look out the window, her heart falling when Inuyasha's golden gaze was nowhere to be found. "He loved us both, Shippo. He loved us both."

* * *

The hanyou came to sit beside him on the roof a short time later, his aura subdued, lingering questions in his eyes. Sesshomaru had expected anger, resentment even. He hadn't expected the hanyou to be resigned.

Sesshomaru turned his attention to his half-brother. This was a discussion he'd hoped was rectified as the hanyou listened in to his conversation with Kagome. But apparently he'd been mistaken in his judgment of the half breed's ability to hear.

"Did you mean it? About our father, I mean?"

"Yes. This Sesshomaru says nothing he does not mean."

Inuyasha turned his head toward his brother, eyes taking in the solemn expression on his face. Though hidden in shadow, he could feel Sesshomaru's sadness radiating in his aura; the fact that he wasn't shielding it from him a testament to the honestly of the moment.

"Why would you protect Kagome? She is human, a breed you despised for centuries." Sesshomaru turned his head, but not before Inuyasha caught the emotion reflected in his eyes.

He hadn't known of Rin's death, hadn't thought it would affect Sesshomaru at all. But it had; a flicker of emotion and no more… but he'd seen it, and that alone would have been enough. He'd listened to the conversation between Kagome and Sesshomaru… but he needed confirmation, for himself more than anything. He needed to _hear_ that there was nothing more than friendship between the two, _needed_ to forget the kiss she'd been insane enough to place on his brother's cheek.

Sesshomaru's words continued, hard and cold, true to the Sesshomaru he'd known five hundred years before. "I lost Rin two nights before Kagome lost you… I could protect her from demons, guard her against attack, but I could not save her from human disease. Her burial delayed my arrival; I was too late to save you, too proud to leave your miko unguarded."

I no longer had anyone to protect, no place I was required to be. Taiyoukai do not mourn, nor do they shed tears for fragile life. Blossoms bloom and die, and we do not allow more than a passing notice. But your miko grieved, mourned your passing in a way forbidden to me.

I mourned through your female, allowed her to grieve for both our losses. I stayed with her because she gave me something to protect, cried tears I myself could not. She earned my respect, deserved more than heartbreak for the sacrifice she'd given."

Despite the blood in your veins, you are pack. Kagome was _your _chosen female which made her pack, too. Shippo was your adopted son… I protect my pack, Inuyasha. It is my right to do so as Alpha." Standing, Sesshomaru looked down at Inuyasha. "Protect your female, Inuyasha. Honor and duty are both worthy traits to maintain, but it is companionship, whether human or demon, that makes the effort noteworthy. Be a father to Shippo, and a good mate to Kagome. Both need you. Both love you, are worthy of you."

Inuyasha stayed silent, eyes wide, words frozen in his throat.

Sesshomaru was gone before Inuyasha was finally able to speak. "Thank you, Sesshomaru; for taking care of Kagome… and Shippo."

Sesshomaru heard them as he watched the hanyou make his way to Kagome's window. For the first time in centuries, Sesshomaru smiled.

* * *

Life derails the best intentions... including the posting of chapters, lol. I am sorry for the wait.

Thank you to psychochick32 who took time to clean up my writing messes...

One chapter left.. hope you like this one-- please let me know...

Neisha

* * *


	5. Understanding

I do not own Inuyasha or its characters.

* * *

Watching Her: Understanding

* * *

There were things in life Inuyasha wasn't prepared for—Kagome _and_ Shippo's tears were at the top of said list.

He waited, unsure whether he should intrude upon the moment, _afraid_ that his appearance would start their dreaded tears anew, and unprepared for the renewed heartache that tore through his soul. _He'd_ done this – _his_ decision had broken their hearts, destroyed the very people he'd sworn to protect. And he'd _failed_- he hadn't protected them from himself!

Standing under Kagome's window, Inuyasha ignored the knowing gaze blinking at him from the courtyard. Turning to leave, Inuyasha was caught by the words that filtered through the window, his heart stopping as Shippo's tortured voice ripped through his soul.

"_He tried, Kagome."_

Inuyasha curled his hand into a fist, the urge to strike the wall nearly unstoppable. Shippo, the boy who'd followed them, accepted them, _wanted_ them to be his parents, had lost so much more than he'd realized. He could hear Kagome's shaky intake of breath, could almost _feel_ her anguish.

Raising his gaze, he held Sesshomaru's. His brother had done so much more than he'd ever realized, so much more than Inuyasha had ever thought he might. He'd been protector, and adoptive father. He'd been _there... _

"_Inuyasha made me swear not to tell. And I kept that promise, even after seeing how hard it was for him. Inuyasha questioned everyone he could think of, trying to find a way to stay with us... and you."_

How could he fix it? He _couldn't _kill_ emotion, _though he desperately wished he could.

"_But no one could help him. The night Kikyo came to him, he cornered me… asked me to tell you that he loved you. I was supposed to take care of you… for him..."_

"_I didn't tell you. I wanted to… and I tried, but you wouldn't leave Inuyasha's grave. And I was so sad, and it hurt to see you cry… he was like a father to me…" _

His grave... The image those words created broke his heart: Kagome... Shippo... his friends, standing over his grave site. It was all so very wrong, no matter how good his intentions might have been.

"_Shippo…"_

Kagome's voice cracked as she called their son's name... Their son, their _grown _son...

"_I missed him so much. I thought that if I waited long enough that he'd come back! Inuyasha always came back… but he didn't. I couldn't tell you what I was supposed to… I couldn't make you cry again! And when I finally got the courage to tell you, I went to find you… but you were gone! You left me… and Inuyasha never came back either."_

It should have been easy to turn away... should have been _right_ to leave them in each others' comfort. But it wasn't... it was impossible!

_Inuyasha always came back… _

And he had- he was there, albeit _five hundred years_ later. And all thanks to the brother who hadn't been one at all... until now.

"_I'm so sorry, Shippo! I'm so, so sorry..."_

He was too...

"_He loved you, Kagome… Inuyasha loved you."_

His voice cracked when he spoke_, _and Inuyasha wondered if they could ever forgive him... if _she_ could ever forgive him...

And then he heard it, a shuttering whisper filled with hope, with the unwavering certainty. _"He loved us both, Shippo. He loved us both."_

Jumping into the windowsill, Inuyasha found himself the object of Kagome's beautiful gaze. He watched the surprise register briefly across her tear stained face before the demon in her arms caught his attention. It was rare to see the kit so emotional. The tears that had rained from his eyes as a child usually disappeared as quickly as they'd come, and were more often than not the product of mischief, their chief purpose to get him into trouble with Kagome… or to steal her attention from him.

But this… this was real heartbreak. Despite his older body, Shippo was still the child his pack had adopted, still every bit the boy he'd been proud to call his son.

Inuyasha watched as Shippo reached to brush the tears from his face as he stood before taking the kit into his embrace and muttering the words he should have centuries ago, "I am proud to call you my son, proud of the man you've grown to be. I am sorry I hurt you, and one day, I hope you can forgive me."

Inuyasha closed his eyes as Shippo returned his embrace and willed his tears away when the fox demon pulled from his embrace. Inuyasha opened his eyes, surprised to see a toothy smile on the man who stood proud before him. "There was never anything to forgive, Inuyasha. You came back… I always knew you would. Just don't take so long next time, okay?"

Kagome's watery laugh pulled their gazes toward her. Sitting at the edge of the bed, she smiled, fingers raised to cover her lips shaking with emotion, tears falling softly from her eyes.

"You two should make up already," Shippo murmured before leaning down to place a tender kiss on Kagome's wet cheek. "That way we can start being a real family again." Making his way to the door, Shippo glanced over his shoulder before adding, "Miroku and Sango are asleep. Mind keeping it that way?" With a Miroku-like wiggle to his eyebrows, he turned and left, the door clicking softly behind him.

Inuyasha stood where he was, wary that if he moved, she'd run away like she had only hours before. Opening his mouth to speak, he was surprised to find her in front of him, the slender digits of her hand pressed gently against his mouth.

"I owe you an apology," she whispered. He nearly groaned when her finger traced the edge of his lower lip before she reached to cup his cheek. "I was so angry and hurt that I didn't give you a chance to explain. I didn't want to hear what you had to say. I just walled myself in to keep you out."

Inuyasha opened his mouth to tell her she had reason to be angry, that he understood that he'd hurt her, and that he regretted it with every fiber of his being. He wanted to beg her forgiveness, but she shushed him before he could even speak.

"I wrapped myself in my pain, didn't recognize the hurt Shippo had lived with, that you were _living_ with. I became everything I never wanted to be: cold and heartless…"

"It's-" Kagome silenced him again, this time with a quick kiss to the lips leaving him stammering idiotically and fumbling for the words that had conveniently flown the proverbial coop.

"There's more…"

Trailing her hand down his chest, Kagome watched as Inuyasha's eyes closed, then shot open when she poked him in the chest with her finger, walking him backward as she spoke. "You should _know_ that I have not ever, nor do I now, have a thing for Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha growled, the sound coming to an abrupt halt when his back collided with the wall behind him.

"You _smell_ like him, Kagome. What else am I supposed to think?" Inuyasha replied.

"When you died, I blackmailed Sesshomaru into re-opening my side so that the jewel could be hidden where it was found. I'm sure you've been told all of this, right?"

"Yeah… but why do you have to smell_ like_ him?" Inuyasha grumbled.

"That isn't the only change that's happened, Inuyasha." Inuyasha's eyes narrowed and Kagome rushed on before he could make any other assumptions. "Sesshomaru's poison merged with something in me. At first I thought I was delirious, that it was my imagination working over time. But then I realized it wasn't."

At Inuyasha confused stare, Kagome continued, "I can _feel_ Sesshomaru, Inuyasha." He bared his teeth, his heart pounding as each word left Kagome's lips. "If I concentrate hard enough I can feel his heart beat. I think we share our emotions, though I am not certain how that can be. He hides his emotions well, but he isn't _emotionless._"

"So you're telling me that you can feel his emotions, and that you think he can feel yours?" Inuyasha grumbled. It wasn't so bad, he supposed. Maybe it could be a good thing… Kagome could read Sesshomaru like a book if she decided to.

Inuyasha smiled. Raising his finger, Inuyasha traced the line of her chin, pleased by the small shiver that rippled through her body at his touch. "I suppose that's something I can live with. I just wish we could do something about your scent…"

Kagome's eyes narrowed and her heart accelerated when Inuyasha's eyes dropped to her mouth.

Struggling to find her tongue, Kagome tried… and failed to sound stern. "Are you saying I stink?"

Her skin tingled where his hand had been, her head tipping back as said hand cradled the back of her neck. She watched, speechless as his head tipped forward, his gaze focused on her mouth, her heart beat gaining speed even as his words touched her soul.

"Never… I just want it to be _my_ scent covering you, not his…"

"So what do we do about it?"

"This." His lips brushed hers, her breath escaping in heated gasps that fanned over his face. He forgot the hardness at his back, instead focusing on the pressure of her body holding him prisoner against her bedroom wall.

He growled when she pulled away, bending his head forward to catch her retreating lips. She smiled, he could feel her lips stretch beneath his own, and only then did he pull away. It had been so long since he'd seen her smile… and regardless of the desire to kiss her again, her happiness was foremost on his priorities list.

He nearly went cross eyed as her hand raised, her finger falling softly on the bridge of his nose, the tickle searing across his flesh as the action was followed by her tender caress at his cheek.

"I love you, Inuyasha. I have always loved you…"

There was nothing he could say; no action he could provide that would be worthy enough to show her his love. But she seemed to understand, her lips brushing away the solitary tear that slid from his shimmering gaze.

Turning her in his embrace, he caught her against him, her back resting against the wall where his had been only moments before. Catching her cheek in his hand, Inuyasha could only stare at the beauty who owned his heart. Bright brown eyes glistened back at him, her rose colored lips beckoned. With trembling claws, Inuyasha smoothed her bangs from her eyes before trailing said fingers over the satin softness of her cheek.

Leaning forward, he captured her lips, his eyes open to catch her response, burying the moment forever in his heart. Touching his head to hers, he told her, his lips moving softly over hers, his eyes burning his confession into her soul. "I love you, Kagome. I will always love you."

He caught her against him as she pushed into his embrace, her hushed sob echoing in his heart. This was the way he'd wanted to tell her. This was the response he had hoped for as she buried herself in his embrace, her breath warm against his neck, her lips pressed intimately against his skin.

"Stay with me?" he whispered, his eyes closing as her body tensed against his. It was an eternity before she answered, her brown-eyed gaze reflecting his amber ones. It was only a word… a single, solitary word, but his heart stopped when he heard it, even as her lips breathed life back into it when she kissed him with such tenderness that his eyes stung and his heart clenched almost painfully in his chest.

"Forever…"

Smiling against her mouth, Inuyasha picked her up, pulling her against his chest as his kiss deepened and her laughter faded beneath a breathless moan.

Neither saw the golden eyes watching from the courtyard, or the emerald ones beside them, the knowing smile shared between them.

* * *

"She's changing." Shippo's voice was soft, his gaze focused on the window his adopted parents lingered behind.

"I know," Sesshomaru replied.

"She smells a lot like you," Shippo answered.

"Hnn."

"Inuyasha won't like it. He's always hated when Kagome would come home missing his scent." When Sesshomaru didn't reply, Shippo scuffed his shoe across the dirt under his feet. "How did you know she was changing?"

Curiosity simmered in his gaze as Sesshomaru glanced down at the kit he'd helped to raise. It didn't escape his notice that Shippo was concerned, nor did he miss the question lingering unsaid behind his eyes.

"It seems that my poison has melded with Kagome's power. I _feel_ her emotions quite clearly, as I suspect she senses mine. It is something she and I will have to cope with." Refraining from rolling his eyes at the impatience lining the younger demon's face, Sesshomaru continued. "I did not, nor do I intend to mate Inuyasha's wench. My brother has already claimed her."

"Oh. Okay then."

Silence stretched between them. Shippo's snort of laughter pulled Sesshomaru's gaze back to the fox demon still standing at his side.

Reaching to scratch the back of his head in the only nervous gesture Sesshomaru had noticed the kit to possess, Shippo spoke, his words suspiciously edged in laughter. "Does this mean I get to call you Uncle Sesshy?"

"Only if you wish to lose your tongue."

* * *

**A/N:**

This is the end. I do hope you enjoyed the ride. Maybe one day I will add an Epilogue to this... after all, Sesshomaru needs his happy ending, too.

Thank you to psycochick32 for editing this story and for encouraging me to finish it; the start of it had been sitting unread for a year or more in my hard drive, collecting virtual dust. It was her desire for a *snippet* of something to read that brought this out of the darkness, lol.

There are several more stories in there as well, but they'll have to wait until Deserted is updated a few more times before I pull them from the dark recesses of my computer, lol.

I am working on Deserted, but as always, my health (and life) seem to be vying for my undivided attention. I haven't been feeling well, the pain spiraling so far out of control most days that I have found it nearly impossible to focus enough to write anything. And then there's life... it seems that time is has become something I have even less of, lol. I foresee a few late nights though, devoted to the writing of Deserted; I am determined to get you all a chapter soon. I hope you all will still be there when it is posted, lol. Please forgive me for the long wait.

I appreciate every review sent, every kind word of encouragement, and everyone out there who has let me know of their desire for more on Deserted (and the other stories that I have posted here). I *will* finish it--- for everyone who has let me know of their desire for more.

Thank you again!

Neisha

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